We’ve all been there. You meet someone new, and suddenly, they’re all you can think about. Your heart skips a beat every time their name pops up on your phone, and you start imagining the what-ifs. What if they’re the one? What if this is your love story in the making? And then, for my astrology lovers—or even my astrology-curious folks—the question inevitably sneaks in: What’s their sign?

It’s innocent at first. A quick Google search on their birthday feels harmless, right? But before you know it, you’ve pulled up a birth chart calculator and are five Reddit threads deep trying to figure out if their Venus in Gemini can really vibe with your Venus in Cancer. And while it might seem like you’re gathering insight to guide your love story, I’m here to gently tell you: maybe put the chart down.

I get it. Birth charts are a fascinating map of who we are. But diving into your crush’s chart too soon can set you up for a world of assumptions, overthinking, and maybe even missing the magic of just getting to know them as a person. Let’s talk about why reading your crush’s birth chart should wait.

It Encourages Assumptions Over Reality

When you read someone’s birth chart in the early stages of getting to know them, you are tempted to fill in the gaps with what you read about their birth chart. You may compare them to other people you’ve met with the same sign and start to make a million assumptions. But the truth is, each person’s life experience is so unique and trying to fill in the blanks will drive you further away from reality.

It Can Create Pressure or Unrealistic Expectations

What if your charts seem very compatible–even marriage material? Then you can open the floodgates to unrealistic expectations and pressure on the progression of the relationship. Ultimately, you must choose to be in a relationship and make it work, no matter how compatible (or challenging) things may seem in the birth chart.

It’s a Boundary Issue

Birth charts are deeply personal. Reading someone’s chart without their knowledge or consent can feel invasive—it’s like opening a private diary before being invited to do so. Not to mention, birth information is highly sensitive and must be handled carefully, so think twice before giving it to someone you’re casually seeing.

You Miss Out on Genuine Connection

Part of the beauty of dating is discovering someone’s quirks, dreams, and values in real time. Relying too much on their chart can take the mystery and excitement out of getting to know them organically.

It Can Lead to Overthinking or Self-Sabotage

You might hyperfocus on astrological “red flags” or potential challenges instead of being present and allowing the relationship to naturally develop. No birth chart is perfect, and no relationship is without growth opportunities.

Astrology is a Tool, Not a Determiner

While astrology can offer helpful insights, it’s not meant to dictate your choices or predict the future. Over-relying on their birth chart early on can shift your focus away from building trust, communication, and emotional connection. 

So, how do you build a real, romantic connection? Take your time. Get to know your crush through conversations, shared experiences, and the little moments that reveal who they are. Let their personality shine through before you dive into the stars. Trust me, the best relationships aren’t built on assumptions or perfect charts—they’re built on connection, communication, and effort.

In the meantime, you can use the wisdom of your own birth chart to get clear on how to attract authentic relationships. By focusing your attention to your own chart, rather than your crush’s, you can approach relationships from a place of informed, empowered insight.

When the time is right, astrology can be a wonderful tool to deepen your understanding of each other, maybe even with a relationship synastry reading. But until then, leave the birth chart for later and enjoy the magic of the unknown.

If you’re curious about how to use astrology as a meaningful guide in your relationships, I’ve got something special for you! Download my free Cosmic Love Guide—a quick and easy resource to help you navigate love and connection using the wisdom of the stars. Whether you’re just starting out or want to grow deeper in your current relationship, this guide is the perfect way to unlock insights that truly matter.